Sorry. I've been busy....pole dancing.

Sooooo it's been a few days (or months) since I've officially blogged here. Whoops. I'm sorry (not really), but I've been busy doing real work at my big time advertising gig. Oh, and writing restaurant reviews on Yelp. And watching Hoarders while holding my dog down so he can't get any of my ice cream.

Well, the good news is now that all of my "readers" have probably given up on me ever updating this thing I can blog freely. (Mom, if you're still reading this STOP IT!)

As you know, my boyfriend works at a bar. That means he works nights....which leaves me all alone M/W/F nights. Boooo hoo hoo. Plus, I've come to the realization that my "friends" suck and don't like doing anything that involves fun (ugh that's a whole other post). Put those two facts together and you have me dancing on a pole. GASP!

Yep, I started taking pole dancing lessons. It sure beats staying home alone and boy are my arms tired and my legs bruised. I have a whole new appreciation for stripppers...or do you call them exotic dancers? Anyway, if I ever lose my big time advertising gig please come see at Spearmint Rhino in Dallas. (I'm not even kidding.)

At the end of my 6-week pole dancing journey I have to do a 4 min. solo "dance" in front of my entire "dance" class. Yikes! And the teacher films it. DOUBLE YIKES! But I can do it to whatever song I want....which is harder to choose that you think. It's all I can think about lately. It's consumed me. Should it be hip hop so I can shake my booty? Or should it be rock so I can channel my inner '80s slut? And should I wear heels? Bare feet? Rubber boots? I mean there are just SO many choices to make....all because of a pole.

Oh, and I'm thinking of buying a pole for my apartment. Tacky? Sorta. Needed for practice? Yep. And yes, the boyfriend is excited. Little does he know he's going to have to move his office desk so I can install my slut-machine.

Work It

Ummm how cute is this metal brocade desktop collection? I'll tell you....it's double-swoon cute! And it's from The Container Store of all places. Crazy!

Ahem....I'm back. GTL

So, I've been busy. Too busy for this swoon nonsense....until now. I mean, I'm a senior copywriter in the advertising business....you think I have time to surf the internet all day long? Puuulease.


Today, I implore you to check out superstar photographer Terry Richardson's blog.

Say, "I Love You" with DNA

DNA art? Fingerprint art? Swoon! This would make the best Valentine's present ever. Really giving a bit of yourself....letting your special someone see what you're really made of...giving up your DNA without any fear of a restraining order. I think you get the idea. Now get me a double DNA portrait!

In the Hood

Sequins? Mini skirt? HOODY? SWOON! And even though Miss. Lohan is wearing it, I still want it. Wow!

Colored Pencil of the Month Club

Sign up to receive 25 colored pencils a month & by the end of 20 months you'll have collected 500 pieces of the color spectrum. Plus, you can even buy swoonable display holders. The cheese of the month club should think about doing that.

Duct Tape Prom

"We stopped counting the rolls after 30." ....I think there's a fat joke in there. It may be nerdy, sticky and oh-so-lame...but I have to hand it to these kids, their designs are pretty creative. Check them out and take a guess how many times they were pushed down and made fun of on prom night. Swoon!

Blankets Can Slip & Slide...

...but the Japanese Snuggie will never let you go. NEVER! This is a non-swoon item due to the exposed feet. Feet are gross.

Paint. Peel. Repeat.

You MUST get some Sula Paint & Peel nail polish. First I swooned over the colors. Then, after my first peel session, I swooned again. Now 2..3..4...etc. different nail colors in 1 day is actually possible!

NYE 2010 = Relax

My Little Edward Scissorhands

Customized My Little Ponies. Swoon!

Inside Out & Upside Down I'm Gonna Show You What It's All About

Inside out champagne glasses? Yes, please! Your New Year's Eve party guests will swoon over these. Get some here.

I created the freaking poof!

Swoon over the most annoying girl from Jersey Shore getting punched in the face. That's what happens when you have a horrible, horrible voice.

Family Ties...Blank Check...Jail?

Wow! Andy from swoonable '80s sitcom Family Ties (and one of my all-time fav's, Blank Check) sure looks different these days.

I Do.

Used Vera Wang underwear? Ewww. Used Vera Wang wedding dresses. Swoon!

Always Remember To...

After you swoon over your feast....please brush your teeth. Happy Thanksgiving!

I Survived.

If you haven't watched I Survived on the Bio channel you are missing out. What would you do if your ex boyfriend comes after you with a chainsaw and cuts off your arm? What would you do if you woke up to see a man in a ninja costume standing at the end of your bed holding a knife?

Swoon over the answers while you watch full episodes of my new favorite show. Oh, and for some reason all of the rape victims are named Jennifer. Just my luck.

Hootie Hoo

Thanks to my boyfriend, I get to swoon over this necklace every day. I've only worn it twice...but both times were full-o-complements on it. The feathers have a wonderful shine to them...a must-see in person.

Write the Company

If you've ever wanted to write a company to complain, but just didn't have the guts to go through with it, you should check out Write the Company. I love the safe responses from the companies...especially the robotic, cookie-cutter versions. It's a writing swoonfest over there!

Or don't....I don't care.

If this is real...it deserves a swoon. But wait, there's more!